Guerdon
This post includes non-explicit artistic nudity.
Medium: Photography (Nikon D3S)
Date: 2011
Project/Body of Work: Taken during Souvenir Project
Guerdon was created in November 2011 during the early months of the Souvenir project. The image depicts a solitary figure standing in darkness, marked and illuminated by arcs of light that appear to strike and surround her.
The scene suggests impact rather than performance, the ritual body meeting force in darkness. The motion trails were created in-camera through long exposure and hand-painted light. No digital compositing was used.
At its core, the image represents an interior decision: to remain standing and face the storm when it arrives, even in total darkness.
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Before entering the studio, I painted Jennifer’s body by hand, a ritual act that took several hours. Music associated with the emotional landscape of that time was playing throughout. The painting was not entirely ornamental. Rather, it was a way of slowing down enough to sit with what I was confronting.
The larger context was personal rupture, the collapse of a long-held expectation of relationship. Choosing not to wait, not to negotiate, not to preserve fantasy—essentially choosing myself instead of any of these options—triggered a total reorganization of meaning that I could not bypass.
The metaphor guiding the piece was simple: Standing in a black field at night, hearing a tornado approach, and choosing not to run.
The photographs that emerged from that ritual are more artifacts than conceptual art photography.
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All effects were created in-camera. The studio was completely blacked out. Using a Nikon D3S, and with the assistance of a partner, I shot long exposures while Jennifer moved according to direction in total darkness. Two flashlights were used to paint light across her body during the exposure.
Several days of testing preceded the final session to determine exposure length, light placement, and movement timing. The night before the shoot, the studio was prepared and secured to eliminate stray light.
After extensive preparation, the intended result appeared almost immediately. The central image was the first successful exposure once formal shooting began. Subsequent frames were variations, but the essential image required no reconstruction.
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“Guerdon” is an archaic English word meaning reward, recompense, or a gift given in return, often one earned through ordeal. The word holds both cost and offering within it.
The image asks what is gained when something is voluntarily surrendered and whether the aftermath of impact can be the gift of that surrender.
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Jennifer has appeared in my work for decades, across mediums. In this piece, she functioned as participant and vessel. Her physical presence (capable of embodying both masculine and feminine) was absolutely crucial. She allowed the image to carry dual aspects of individuation. In one of the panels, a doubled figure emerges unintentionally through long exposure: two presences originating from one body. This was not planned. It was consistent with the inner work underway. No other person would have made sense in this role.
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Unlike earlier technical studies, Guerdon was fully conceptualized and architected. It represents a moment where symbolic conception, embodied ritual, and disciplined technique aligned.
It also remains unresolved in one sense: the image has never settled into a definitive display format. It exists as an artifact of a threshold, proof of a choice made under pressure. In hindsight, it marks one of the first conscious acts of choosing Self over fantasy.
Process Gallery | Images from set-up, testing, and concept.
